so happy and excited to be there, I was everywhere I wanted to be

by Bec Fary

I haven’t been remembering my dreams as often as I used to, and when I do it hasn’t been as detailed. I remember struggling to fall asleep last night and I guess I couldn’t relax. Every time I felt myself sliding into that half-wake-sleepy-dreamstate I’d jerk myself out of it because I could feel my consciousness sliding, too, out of my control.

I slept and re-woke like that for hours last night, but eventually slipping into the most strikingly vivid dream. The sensory stimuli was so detailed and everything was so real. Touch and smell were big in this one, not so much sound.

I remember being in a gay couple’s house. It was very modern and the walls were bright white. One of the guys was really friendly and welcoming, but the other one didn’t want to talk to me. I’m not sure why I was there but I got the feeling I hadn’t been invited, and that maybe I wanted something from them.

I poured myself a glass of water at the kitchen sink and felt every drop sliding over my lips, wetter than waking water, somehow. Then I poured a glass for my friend, who’d suddenly arrived. The water was hot coming out of the tap and I didn’t know how to make it cold again. I think I spilt some on the wooden floorboards.

Going into another room, I saw a young boy with blonde curly hair playing with a gadget. I asked the friendly guy whose child it was. He smiled and said it was his partner’s son.

I was so happy and excited to be there.

I emerged from the dream but it was just a tiny surge of wakefulness because I fell straight back to sleep into a sex dream. I was in the shower or maybe the bath. I don’t remember who I was with or what they were doing but I had the unmistakable feeling that someone was watching us and maybe telling me what to do.

Everything from last night’s dreams seemed to come in waves and surges. A wave of pleasure shook my whole body and it felt so good that I sank into that feeling and awoke.

Another wave of wakefulness, only enough time to realise I was in bed and then asleep again. I woke up in the dream world with everything the same as waking life. Sounds of cheering had woken me, and I was scared that so many voices were inside my house.

I looked down and saw the tops of people’s heads, mingling at a party. I wanted to be down there so I jumped and for a moment I panicked that I would fall. But then I told myself it was okay, I was dreaming, and before I hit the ground I was flying around the room and changing size to fit under tables and chairs. Air rushing, I was everywhere I wanted to be.

So elated at the realisation, I cried out: “I’m dreaming! This is dreaming!”